Don't Scribble Me Out

Don’t scribble me out, is a self-portrait. It depicts me as both mother and child. It sticks together two moments intime. It plays with ideas within my wider practice that are concerned with maternal ambivalence, vulnerability, and the affect of the transition into motherhood on a woman’s identity. It is about the child that still lives inside, a child learning to mother or a child that has become trapped. It's about loss and a yearning for freedom, independence, and life before.

It utilises a family photograph taken by my father in 1973 in which you can see I am happily balanced on top of my mother's shoulders. The felt tip pen drawing that I have carefully traced around, cut out, and superimposed ontop of the photographic image is by my son who was aged 4 when he drew it. In the drawing I am depicted shouting, you can see my mouth is wide open. Marks from the drawing obliterate parts of my mother's face.I have scribbled her out.

I am interested in how lines can transmute feelings. When scribbling out my mother's face I was thinking about my own invisibility as a mother and full-time carer of a young child. I thought that the drawing by my son was really fascinating as it captured the sense of frustration and isolation that I felt whilst looking after him at home. I am silently shouting out or screaming from within the drawing. My voice is seen but not heard.

The title of this artwork comes from my mother's reaction to the work when she first viewed it. She felt upset by the image I had made and said "please don't scribble me out"!