Corps Fertile

Sally my childhood ragdoll and 'toy baby', is the medium through which I explore my own reproductive journey, from small child through puberty to my fertile years, and now my post op/surgically induced menopausal years. At fifty years old, Sally is three years younger than me, but her sagging body bears the marks of age in the same way that mine does. Her hair fell out long ago, her thighs are scrawny and dimpled, and she has ‘blood’ stains on her chest where I operated on her heart as a child. As I once again prepare her for ‘surgery’, I am prompted to remember my childhood self, the aspirations, and the innocent certainty that I would one day have a brood of ‘real’ babies. A diagnosis of Pre Menstrual Dismorphic Disorder which exacerbated my Bipolar Disorder, led to a full hysterectomy six years ago, and since then, my body, in a state of surgical menopause, has been the site of numerous major surgical interventions, some of which have been emergency procedures, carried out with little regard for the cosmetic. My abdomen, still numb, and no longer full of fecund promise, is now an untouchable mass of my scars and I can no longer locate my belly button. My asymmetric, quilted belly now carries within it the certainty of infertility; in an act of remembrance, I mirror the interventions of the surgeons, cutting and stitching, closing and reopening wounds, and visiting the same scarring on Sally’s body. In 2013, Sally was part of a cultural exchange initiated by the Mothersuckers project, which took place in July 2013 to August 2013 at the Château de Tinteillac, Dordogne.